There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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