I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
