two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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