he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
