i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
