soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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