my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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