She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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