And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
