I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
