Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
