you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
