Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
