Sry I called you an 8
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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