How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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