remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
