i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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