Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
