Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
