You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
