she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
