he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
