I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
