you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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