I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
