Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
