Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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