I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
