but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
