At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
