I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
