i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And then he peed in my hair
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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