I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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