He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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