I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
