I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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