Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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