My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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