I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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