Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
