If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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