I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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