careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
