we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
