My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hippo gnu deer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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