The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
