oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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