Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
