Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
