i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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