It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
