I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
