david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
