THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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