you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
