Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
